1. Buy a star
2. Record a CD
3. Perform as part of an orchestra
4. Do some charity work
5. Hug my Mum
6. Spend a perfect day with my friends
7. Warn Andy not to listen to crappy music when he grows up
8. Tell my brothers and sisters I love them

3 months and counting


When we first met I made you promise
you would never leave,
then I told you of the demons,
and how they made me bleed.
I made you promise crazy things,
but your words were not enough.
I couldn't believe you loved me
To love me can be tough.
When I cry about my past and say that I'm ashamed
I know I am the only one who is to be blamed.
Then you crawl in bed beside me
and say that it's ok-so I cry for my loss of innocence
and the things I gave away.
When I can't sleep through the night,
when I toss and turn in bed,
you wrap your arms around me
and chase the demons from my head.
You say don't talk about the past
you tell me that it's gone,
you say since we're together now
it's time that I move on,
you say that I'm your angel
but if you only knew
the kind of thoughts I think
and what I used to do.
You tell me it doesn't matter
and that you love me anyway
so I cry for my loss of innocence
and the things I gave away.
They said that's how they liked it
when I dragged my nails across their backs,
but now you hold my hand in yours
and tell me to relax,
you say that this is making love
and this is the better way-
so I cry for my loss of innocence
and the things I gave away.
I never felt a thing
before you touched my heart
and when you touched my body,
I thought I'd fall apart.
When you kiss my lips,
I feel you deep within my soul
then you wrap your arms around me
promise not to let go.
When I tremble at your tenderness
and melt in your arms,
I know you really love me,
and you'll keep me safe from harm
you know I've never loved
or been loved in any kind of way-
so I cry for my loss of innocence
and the things I gave away


Silence builds an awful wreckage of a girl
It feeds on loneliness and creates a void
Grey shadows haunt and torment and torture
She is stricken and destroyed

There is no sound of laughter or happiness here
The little one has thrown in the towel today
Somber, melancholy moods decay the soul
It is futile to hope, dream or pray

Emptiness builds a home in this body
In this girl, this child where hollows have bred
A deepening sea of nowhereness consumes
And eats away at every connecting thread

Confusion feeds like a savage inside her,
Leaving nothing considered worthy remains
Destined to walk through life less ordinary
Alone, exiled, different and disdained.


In your fingertips I find a sweet indulgence, perspiration transferred moments that reap out sensational nonsense. In your arms I find safety, security,a feeling unknown to these winds, but welcomed more than ever. In your eyes I find jaded happiness, twisted mingles of smiles, and a joy of staring back. In your heart I find undiluted desire, a pull toward this being that hastens the heat in my veins. In your mind I find unresolved freedom, the contemplative states of many, soon to discover more thoroughly. In your soul I find the most important light,a gleaming of purity and beauty, a sight not befit for eyes, so instead I look onto with my own soul.
With intuition I reach inward, grasping at this presence of You and wanting to become more a part of it. So you have let me in, time falls apart at its seams. Dreams dance as lurid fire blazes through this capsule,and thanks for the invitation inside. In your soul, I find a sliver of difference, another existence new to here…and now I know it is my soul, the place in which its touched upon your Earth, eroded a nice little nestling spot, and my waters have filled the hole with exuberance.I flow freely into you now and forever, whether we are near or far there will always be a pool of me inside the deepest parts of you.


So I decided it's about time I wrote a normal post...not a depressing/goth-like/poetic/angst-ridden bitch fest :)

Time for an itty bitty update...
1. I broke my big toe...(I have a compound fracture in my hallux)
2. I've been in hospital for over a week with my hodge hodge which leaves my immune system deficient like a cat without whiskers....
3. I have contracted the most feared and possibly deadly H1N1 virus...du du DUUUU (that was supposed to be scary piano/organ chords) oh ya AKA swine flu...don't call me babe...bacon...piggy...etc it's just getting old now!

SO ya kinda all sorry for myself this week...Dar got me a new phone yay

All my friends have been in LOADS to see me they are actually the best :)

Brought me all the gossip :)

Oh ya and my room is across from a ward that is full of elderly ppl and they tend to wander in for a chat...which is cute in daylight...but after dark I wake up and there's one standing there and I'm like ZOMBIEEEEE...RUUUUUN! *thrillerrrrr*

Oh and today was bacon and cabbage day...so hence the queue for the loo which is right next door..I could hear cabbage farts all day...BARF

I shall finish this post tomorrow XD





Alone in a room with you,
Standing still,
But our Hearts Dance like wildfire.
From wall to wall,
They bounce freely,
Clashing,
But never melding together,
The walls shake,
the floors rattle,
The ceiling bends,
The pressure has intensified,
and it's about to break.
I can feel it building,
But I couldn't fathom the result,
If I break the tension.
So I do.
And the world falls apart, as I come closer
The pedestal I stood on,
Crumbles beneath me.
I pull my mask away,
And show you,
What you already saw.
You,
The person who could see
Past the mask I had on,
Past what I pretended to be,
Past what the others had seen.
Crying,
And broken,
You need someone.
I choose to be that person,
If you decide to let me in.
A hug,
Fierce in it's meaning,
But gentle in it's touch.
A moment frozen in time,
Spent alone with you.
The tears stream down my arm,
From where they fall from your face,
The face I want to cradle,
The face that disguises pain,
A pain I wanted to take away.
A broken embrace,
Time moves forward,
But still you stay,
In my arms, a moment longer.
My heart soars,
And roars
Triumph,
As yours hides, fades away from mine,
and darkness,
Pursues my celebration, swallows it,
and I'm left alone.
Again.....